Blackbird
by ghostyStarr
Summary: "All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to be free." Midnight-verse Solangelo, Post BoO.


**_A/N: If you've never listened to the Beatles' song "Blackbird" then you should listen to it now and drown in Nico feels with me. ;w;_**

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><p><em>...<em>

_Blackbird singing in the dead of night_

_Take these sunken eyes and learn to see_

_..._

It was snowing outside. Not the kind of fluffy, pretty snow that sent a longing for Christmas through one's mind, but the rough, ugly kind that nipped at noses and nerves. It didn't blanket the landscape in a pleasant wintery wonderland. It froze the roads and mangled holiday plans. It grounded planes and cut the telephone service. But, mostly, it set an icy pit in Nico's gut. It was the reason why he was sitting by the window, staring worriedly out the window with a long-since-chilled mug of diluted tea in his hands.

Worried was an understatement. Terrified was a more accurate description of the gnawing happening in his stomach, the rapid bounce of his knee. His eyes were transfixed on the edge of the driveway, just barely visible through the violent swirling of angry, fat snowflakes. The window panes shook from the force of the wind, rattling both the frames and Nico's sanity. With each flicker of the lights, with every tock from the clock, Nico drew closer and closer in on himself.

Four days, he had said. He would be gone for four days to travel to Manhattan to see his mother. She was ill, and he had wanted to help like the good son he was. Nico had wanted to come along, but he wouldn't hear of it. "You're sick," he had said. "It's cold out there. Plus all those germs on a plane would wreck your immune system even worse. It's only a few days. You just stay here and rest." He had kissed Nico on the cheek, had said a few soft goodbyes, and had left with a smile on his face. Always a smile.

Four days had turned into eight, and Nico couldn't quell the panic rising in him. The telephone lines had gone out three days ago and still weren't fixed, leaving Nico stuck staring desperately out the window of their apartment, nursing a cold cup of tea and counting the minutes in heartbeats.

"Come home," Nico whispered to no one. His breath fogged up against the glass. He blinked at it for a moment and then, very carefully, drew a heart in the mist. He immediately felt embarrassed, even though there was thankfully no one around to see it, but didn't wipe it away.

The last time he had talked to Will Solace he had just finished having lunch with his mother and was taking her out shopping. Like the good son he was. Nico had pretended to be indifferent, stating he was fine with the extra peace and quiet he got when Will wasn't there and that he should visit his mother more often. He failed to mention how he hadn't slept more than four hours a night since Will had left or that he hadn't had a full meal since the leftovers Will left for him in the fridge were gone. Will had only laughed, unperturbed, and promised to be extra loud when he came home to make up for lost time.

Then, he had said the thing. The thing that, even after all these years of being with Will Solace, Nico couldn't bring himself to say.

_I love you._

Nico felt like a coward whenever Will said those words as if it was the easiest thing in the world. He felt unworthy whenever Will would wrap his arms around him while he was cooking and say those words, or when he would say it as he smiled dreamily at him when they worked on their sad little garden and Nico was working fruitlessly to save a withering sunflower, or when he would whisper them in his ear when they were locked away in their bedroom, refusing to emerge from the covers until they had had their fill of each other. He felt pathetic when Will said the thing because he simply couldn't understand how the stunning son of Apollo – a healer, a beauty, and a philanthropist – would ever say those words to him.

Nico couldn't even say it after Will nursed him back to health time and time again after all those separate occasions when Nico disappeared from camp for no particular reason, or after all the many other times Will had prevented him from leaving at all, grabbing onto his hand and pulling him back into the infirmary, murmuring angry endearments against his lips. He wouldn't say it even though Will had proven countless times that he would never betray Nico's trust or deliberately hurt him.

Still, Nico only remembered saying it to one person and she had left him, abandoned him in favor of a new life, and then completely vanished from his reach. He wouldn't let that happen to Will. He wouldn't let anything take him away. Not even a storm.

Slowly, numbly, Nico could hear a faint noise. For the first time in what must have been hours, Nico lifted his gaze from the window to look around the interior of the apartment. It was small, but cozy, and was filled with various things from all over the world, souvenirs from their days travelling across seas and countries on various quests and missions all throughout their teens.

Back then, it had been easy. Nico could vent out his fears and angers on the monsters that slipped back into the mortal world. He could forget his insecurities and worries when they were always just one step away from danger and were both covered in mud, grime, and other unfavorable substances. Back then, Nico forgot himself in the shine of Will's smile, the lull of his voice.

But when the adrenaline train stopped, when the final quest was over and done with, and Will brought Nico with him to Seattle while Will pursued his dream at University of Washington School of Medicine, there was nowhere to hide anymore. He could no longer pretend that the bags under his eyes were just from many nights keeping watch for monsters. He couldn't say he didn't want to talk because he was afraid of being overheard by other campers or enemies. Here, it was just Will and him, and he felt stripped, vulnerable.

Sooner or later, Will would realize just how unfixable and disturbed Nico was. Sooner or later, Nico would hurt him too deeply. Sooner or later, Will was going to leave him. So wasn't it better to guard his heart? Pretend that he never heard Will's loud declarations of love? The moment Nico gave himself entirely to Will, it would be over. So wasn't it better to hide away the dark parts of him?

The noise grew, becoming more urgent. It was a high-pitched sort of cry, and was so desperate that it roused Nico from his stupor. He wrapped the afghan that Will so often used closer around his shoulders and padded into the kitchen, following the noise carefully. He thought of his sword, stowed away in boxes and gathering dust, and shook himself. He'd sworn it all off the moment Will offered him a key to this place. He'd sworn it all off the moment he almost hurt the one he cared for most in this world and the one under.

The noise was coming from the sliding door that led into the garden. There was a sharp chill seeping through the cracks and Nico huddled closer into his blanket. Looking out, he didn't see anything until the noise cried out again and he glanced down.

A tiny black kitten was sitting at the door, one paw pressed against the glass. It was shivering violently and wet. Clumps of ice stuck to its fur. Nico's eyes met its green ones and it let out the most heart-breaking sound the son of Hades had ever heard. Something melted in him.

Immediately, without even thinking, Nico pushed open the door and scooped the kitten up, wrapping it in Will's afghan. The poor thing felt like a block of ice and it was shivering like the bare trees outside that were being battered around from the wind. Even so, the kitten began to purr so loudly that Nico worried that there was something wrong with it.

He wasn't entirely sure what to do. This was Will's department. By then, Will would be fussing over the thing and be fixing it up a warm meal and a soft bed. But what did kittens eat? Wasn't there some sort of rule against applying direct heat after being cold for so long? How long was the poor cat outside anyways?

Slightly panicking, Nico grabbed a towel from the bathroom and began drying off the kitten, picking off the thick clumps of ice stuck stubborn to it. The whole time, the kitten just purred and purred. How was it doing that? Didn't it need to breathe? Was there a special gland for this or something?

His own lack of knowledge stunned him. Instead of floundering for answers he'd never find, Nico tried to remember what Will had done for him that one time he had fallen into the lake in January and had nearly gotten hypothermia.

_"Let's get you some dry clothes, you moron."_ That was the first thing. Dry off. His gaze lingered on Will's hairdryer. He thought it was ridiculous that a grown man blow-dried his hair, and Will would kill him if he ever told anyone about it, but it would be quick and easy to completely dry the cat with it.

Tucking the trembling kitten under his arm, he reached over and grabbed the hairdryer, rolling his eyes at the pink color. _"It's light red!"_ he could hear Will snap at him. He set it on its lowest setting. It startled the kitten a bit and its pine-needle nails dug into his arm. Nico nearly dropped the thing and cursed loudly, but stopped when he noticed the look in the cat's eyes. Wide, nervous, pleading. Sudden emotion clogged up Nico's throat and cooed at it gently, scratching behind its ears.

The kitten slowly relaxed and started to purr again. That time, when Nico turned on the hairdryer, it didn't so much as flinch.

Once the kitten was dry, it didn't look like the same mop of black wet fur he'd first seen. Its fur was a deep, smoky black; thick and long and poofy. There was a patch of white on one of its shoulder blades, shaped in what Nico could only describe as a wing. He traced it curiously and blinked when the cat simply floundered onto one side, purring like a motorboat.

_"Tender love and care will cure anything,"_ Will said in his head. Nico remembered when he'd said it. They'd been in the Hades cabin and Nico had had one of his infamous nightmares. In an instant, Will had Nico in bear hug, comforting him like it was the easiest thing in the world. _"Sometimes we just need hug."_

Nico lifted the kitten to his chest again, coddling it like a child, and pet it gently. Eventually, the remaining tension in its muscles drained away and it went limp in Nico's arms, blinking its eyes slowly, sleepily.

He took it back to the kitchen, humming some made-up tune, and started looking through his cupboards. _"I swear food is like an instant pick-me-up. Chicken-noodle soup for colds. Chocolate for headaches. Ice-cream for heartaches,"_ Will's voice said again. _"It's amazing what a good, full meal can do."_

Nico frowned. Most of the shelves were bare and the fridge didn't look much better. What can and can't cats eat anyways? "I don't suppose you like lasagna," he muttered, looking down at the green eyes staring back up at him. It gave a little sneeze and Nico took that as a no. "We have some milk. Cats like milk, right? Maybe if I heat it up?" He didn't know why he kept looking at the kitten for affirmation, as if the thing would answer him.

Feeling a bit insane, Nico somehow managed to pour a bit of milk into a small bowl. Nico remembered hearing somewhere that cats could be lactose intolerant so he made sure not to pour too much. Once the storm cleared, he would be able to go to town and pick up some much-needed supplies. A few years ago, he would just shadow-travel into the closed grocery store and leave a few dollars on the counter. Not so much these days.

He stuck the bowl into the microwave for a few seconds. Then, he placed it and the kitten on the table and watched in shock as it attacked it ravenously, downing it all in a matter of seconds. _"Merda,_ you were starving, weren't you?" Nico shook his head, thinking back to all those times he couldn't move from starvation. "Poor _Merlo."_ The sudden name took him by surprise but he decided that he liked it. "Merlo," he tried again and the kitten looked up at him. Nico smiled and rubbed its head.

That night, Merlo slept like the dead. Nico kept checking on it, making sure it was warm, comfy, and – most importantly – still breathing. Cats slept a lot, right? And no doubt the poor thing was exhausted. But were those strange noises it was making normal? Was it sick?

For the umpteenth time, Nico wished Will was home. He would know what to do. He always did. Nico didn't deserve his kindness, his understanding, to be forgiven again and again. Will just gave and gave and Nico…

He still remembered the look on Will's face that day, when Nico had done the one thing he promised himself he would never do.

They'd been arguing, as they were wont to do. Only, that time it was about something serious, something that could have actually torn them apart.

_"Don't act like you know what I've been through!" Nico shouted, jabbing his finger at Will's chest and glaring indignantly up at him. "You don't know!"_

_"No, you're right! I don't!" Will yelled right back. "That's the whole problem, Nico! You can't keep this locked up inside! I thought we were passed this! I thought you were done running away! Is this seriously how you want to live? Trapped in your own past? I'm trying to understand, Nico, I am, but right now I kind of get why Bianca left."_

_The words cut deep and they both knew it. Will's face immediately paled and his mouth dropped. Nico somehow knew Will hadn't meant it, but the damage was still done. He could already feel the shadows growing around him, ready to take him away from this place and Will's regretful expression. Tears threatened to form in his eyes, but he hid it with the swirl of darkness around him. "I'm always the problem, right? It's all my fault. You think I don't know that?"_

_Will shook his head desperately and took a step forward, hand outreached. "No! No, Nico… Gods, I didn't mean any of that! I was just… I'm so sorry. Please, I'm sorry."_

_Nico scoffed and sank further back. "Goodbye, Will. Don't worry, I'm not your problem anymore."  
><em>

_"No!" Will nearly screamed and ran at him. Before Nico could disappear fully, Will had a death grip on Nico's wrist, pulling him back, refusing to let him leave. "No, I won't let you!"_

_"Let go of me!" Nico gasped, panic spiking, and – in a moment of pure fear – lashed out. The shadows protecting him suddenly pushed Will back with great force. He slammed against the wall with an unnaturally loud thump and slumped to the floor, groaning._

_Then, when Will didn't look back up, Nico wondered if he had ever known what fear was at all. The terror surging through him was unprecedented. He immediately flew to Will's side, hyperventilating and shaky, begging for Will to wake up._

_Will did and Nico sobbed on his shoulder for hours._

It was after that day that Nico promised to never use his powers again. He swore it all away. When Will came to him with a silver key and asked him to move to Seattle with him just a few weeks later, it only strengthened Nico's resolve. He would never hurt Will again. Not like that.

A wrecked sob escaped him before he could help it. It all came rushing at him once. His guilt, his helplessness, his fears. What if Will wasn't coming home? What if he was sick or hurt somewhere? Or worse? What if he'd never see Will again and he'd never got to tell him the thing back? He loved Will. He did. More than anything. He sank onto the couch and started praying to both his father and to Will's.

_Please, please, please let him come home._

He curled into a ball on the couch until he felt a soft pressure on his back. For a split second, he thought Will had come home and his spirits soared, but Will wasn't there. Instead, Merlo was nuzzling into him, purring again. Nico let out a long exhale before scooping up the cat and cuddling it with all he had.

He wasn't sure when he'd fallen asleep but he was suddenly awakened by the sound of the door opening. His eyes snapped open. It was light out and the storm had passed. He looked out the window, where the streaky remains of his doodled heart still sat, and could see footprints leading up to the door. Heart leaping into his throat, he twisted to look at the other room, where the door was. His chest squeezed together tightly when he saw a familiar figure shaking snow off of his pants.

"Will…" Nico managed to choke out, throat tight with emotion.

The man at the door jumped and looked up, revealing the pair of blue eyes Nico had been longing for. It was Will. Will was home. He was safe and he was home. A smile spread across his face, affection and warmth clear in his eyes. "Hi, sweetheart."

Instinct overtook him, and before he realized it he was slipping into his shadow and reappeared at Will's side as quickly as he'd gone. He hugged Will tightly, causing the blonde to jump and let out a disbelieving laugh. "Nico, you—! You just shadow-travelled!" Nico froze. He had. He'd just shadow-travelled for the first time in years. He was ready for the flood of angry shouts and disappointed sighs, but Will just wrapped his arms around him and pulled him closer. "I'm glad," he whispered, and Nico's resolve broke.

"I love you!" he blurted out, hiding his face in Will's neck. "I love you, I love you, I love you!"

He could feel Will's body tense up. For a moment there was nothing and then Will was kissing him with so much fervor that Nico couldn't remember what he'd been so afraid of. "I love you, too, Nico di Angelo," came Will's breathy reply when they finally broke apart, and Nico never felt so warm.

A disgruntled meow came from their feet and they looked down. Merlo was sitting there, tail swishing, looking at Nico expectantly. Smiling, he bent down to scoop the kitten up. "What's that?" Will blinked.

"This is Merlo. Last night I found her outside in the blizzard so I brought her in." There was a challenge in Nico's tone, daring Will to mock him or say they couldn't keep it. He'd named the thing and he'd gotten attached to it.

Will stared at him like he'd suddenly morphed into an alien. Then, Will blinked his way back into a smile and kissed his cheek. "Well, aren't you sweet?" He held out his arms. "Can I see the baby?"

Nico flushed but handed Merlo off, feeling strangely protective. But when Will started cooing at the cat and nuzzling his nose against her cheek, Nico smiled. Will was too cute for his own good.

"We'll need a litter box," Will said. "And toys. We've got to keep her fit and healthy. None of that processed food, either. We'll have to find some all-organic food."

Nico rolled his eyes but grinned. "Nothing but the best."

"Exactly." Will beamed back. "But first, I'm exhausted. Cat nap?"

Nico snorted, but guided Will into the bedroom, refusing to drop his hand the whole way there. Will immediately plopped onto the bed with a groan, Merlo still tucked under his arm. Nico curled up next to him and wrapped an arm around Will until he could rest his chin on top of Will's head. Sure, it was a bit awkward, but he liked the feeling of Will in his arms.

"Sorry for worrying you," Will whispered abruptly.

Nico shook his head, pushing his lips to Will's forehead. "_I'm_ sorry."

"For what?"

"For everything."

Will raised an eyebrow. "You've nothing to apologize for, Nico. I mean that. I love you for you, strange quirks and all."

Nico flicked him but was quick to kiss the spot. "I love you, too," he said, marveling at how easy it was to say that. Maybe he could do this. Maybe he did deserve a ray of happiness in his life. Maybe he could let Will in completely, tell him about Bianca, about Percy, and about Tartarus. He opened his mouth to do just that, but a soft snore interrupted him. Nico looked down. Will was already fast asleep, lips parted as he let out another, much louder, snore. He supposed it could wait. They had a lifetime ahead of them, after all.

Between them, Merlo was curled into a ball and purring. Nico placed on hand on her hand and the other on Will's, rubbing little circles to both. He had found the thing, and he wasn't going to let go any time soon.

_..._

_All your life_

_You were only waiting for this moment to be free._

_..._

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><p><em><strong>AN: 'Merlo' means 'Blackbird' in Italian. See what I did there? :3**_


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